While a ‘neuropsych’ evaluation helps explain why a young person might find difficulty participating in certain activities, it also provides actionable steps for healthy progress. Like a bright, focused flashlight, testing clearly illuminates area of concern. Knowing what the challenges are provides the framework for negotiating them. Test results pinpoint strengths and weaknesses and identify or rule out a diagnosis. Neuropsychological tests help determine good mitigation plans that can include medications, beneficial placements, and accommodations at school.

A complete neuropsychological assessment is described by the acronym RIOT— review, interview, observation, and testing. The process brings further insight and a fuller picture of an individual from various angles by reviewing records, interviewing that individual and their parents and teachers, observing behaviors before, during, and after testing, and administering the actual psychological test itself.

There are many psychological tests available that assess intelligence, personality, achievement, and aptitude. Some tests assess emotional needs others examine social behaviors. The specific test chosen for each case is based on the presenting characteristics, thus it is not a one-size-fits-all process. In other words, the test chosen is tailored specifically to the needs of that child or adolescent. For example, if an individual is struggling with the academic aspects of school, a trained evaluator may pick the Woodcock-Johnson IV Cognitive Abilities Assessment in order to measure overall intellectual level and cognitive abilities in various domains. Whereas a student who is nonverbal would take the Universal Nonverbal Intelligence Test. Those experiencing depression might be assessed with the Beck Depression Inventory to determine depression levels and possible suitable treatment. The California Verbal Learning test assess recall and recognition giving insights into personalities and learning difficulties. The ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) evaluates social skills.

As you can see, there are many, many tests to choose from. The right test at the right time can ultimately provide answers, guidance, and relief to individuals who have been struggling.

Hope and courage are so important for young people. When they are struggling, the struggle feels like all there is. Wilderness brings a broader perspective and gives them a chance to find courage and hope in beautiful settings removed from the distractions and negative influences that contribute to the need for therapy in the first place. (In wilderness, you can’t hide in your room playing computer games.)

Wilderness can bring so many benefits to emotional health. The introspection inspired by immersion in nature can be transformative. Wilderness “does not give up on you.” When a person really connects with nature, they find greater well-being and less stress. Getting back to the simplicity of nature also brings calm and helps build self-awareness.

This is where the therapist comes in. Treasure Island author Robert Louis Stephenson writes, “We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” Within the context of a therapeutic wilderness program, the therapist is that honest friend. The trusting relationships created between the therapist and client create an emotionally safe space that supports deeper understanding.

Therapy in wilderness programs differs from that in residential programs in that clients are engaged in tailored therapy throughout each day, the entire program is therapeutic. Using wilderness as a backdrop for, therapy doesn’t feel so much like therapy. Healthy food, physical exercise, and instruction in basic survival and self-care skills combine to create an experience that feels good. This feeling is the beginning of the “awakening” that helps clients learn to acknowledge and begin to change their behavior.

And of course, Wilderness programs meet our current need for fresh air and social distancing. The wilderness programs I recommend are still in operation as the need for them persists and is in some cases heightened by the pandemic. These programs have all enacted strict safety protocols to ensure the health of the clients and therapists. Please contact me for more information.

Before engaging a child in treatment, the parent (and the child) experience a great deal of worry, tears, stress, sleepless nights…Once in treatment begins, a weight lifts. Your child is in a safe supported environment, engaged in therapy and working on themselves. As we discussed previously in this blog, enrolling your child in a therapeutic program is an incredibly brave act of love. By removing your child from an environment and circumstances that might exacerbate their unhappiness, you are giving them the opportunity to gain a new perspective and a greater chance for healing.

Now it’s your turn for healing. Self-care is not self-ish. The flight attendant is right. You must put on your own oxygen mask first in order to better assist those around you. “Nourishing yourself in every way possible will help you blossom and grow into the woman or man you are meant to be.”[1]

It is time to do something you have always wanted to do but weren’t able because of your commitments. Maybe your self-care presents itself as a new work focus, maybe a new hobby, maybe as something fun. Fun is an important part of self-care; one that has been quashed by worry and guilt. It’s time to get back to it.

Self-care doesn’t have to be a huge commitment; it doesn’t have to be expensive. Self-care can be anything that makes you feel calmer and more centered. It can be as simple as taking a hot bath or as invigorating as learning a new sport or honing a new skill. In any case, self-care is a practice that gets better with repetition.

Here are two great takes on self-care. The first is from Success Magazine, focused on people who take full responsibility for their own development and income. 

8 Reasons Self-care isn’t selfish

1. It molds authenticity.
2. It’s the only way we can take care of others.
3. It helps you move from existing to living.
4. It helps you find your purpose.
5. Self-care is as empowering as it can be.
6. Motivation roots from it.
7. It’s the best road to a physically healthier you.
8. It is the perfect reminder that you are worthy.[2]

The second is from Path Forward, a nonprofit organization on a mission to empower people to restart their careers after time spent focused on caregiving. Sound familiar? Taking care of your child – especially during difficult times – has been your full-time job. Restart ‘You’

Self-care is:

• Turning off the TV instead of watching another episode of “The Crown” because the alarm is going off at 5am so you can get to the gym.
• Declining the second drink at the office holiday party. It might even be declining the first drink.
• Saying “no” to the thing you don’t want to do even if someone is going to be angry at you.
• Maintaining financial independence.
• Doing work that matters.
• Letting other people take care of themselves.

“Ironically when you truly care for yourself, … you are actually in a much stronger place to give of yourself to those around you. You will be a happier parent, a more grateful spouse, a fully engaged colleague. Those who take care of themselves have the energy to take care of others joyfully because that caregiving doesn’t come at their own expense. And those who take care of themselves also have the energy to work with meaning and purpose toward a worthy goal. Which means they are also the people most likely to make the world a better place for all of us.” [3]

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201302/is-self-care-selfish

[2] https://www.success.com/8-reasons-self-care-isnt-selfish/

[3] https://www.pathforward.org/self-care-is-not-an-indulgence-its-a-discipline/ (initially written for Forbes Magazine)

As we sat together in a circle with therapists and staff, we held hands, meditated, and set an intention for our time together. Each client shared where they came from, their age, their goals, and a fun fact about themselves. Then they opened up and shared honestly and openly about the struggles of their lives, why they were there, and what they have been able to accomplish. Some beamed with pride as they talked about obstacles they were able to overcome; others talked about what goals remain and what things they are still working through. To a person, each client expressed their heartfelt motivation to complete the program emphasizing their desires to increase self-esteem and build better relationships with their parents and families.

We all know that being in nature can be restorative. The sounds of the forest, the scent of the trees, the fresh air bring us a sense of comfort, they help us relax and think more clearly. This power of nature amplifies the clinical component of the work these clients do and creates a palpable sense of peacefulness and clarity.

The circle, discussion, and mandala were all very impactful. I was deeply moved by the sincerity of the clients and how much they appreciated the opportunity to learn and grow in a quiet  place removed from the stressors and distractions of their daily lives. I walked away with a big sense of calm.

The healing process takes time. It depends upon each diagnosis, each child, and each family. While the therapeutic placements I recommend are very specific to these three factors, the amount of time it takes to bring about positive change is also unique to each person. It cannot be rushed as it is dependent upon the attitude, effort, and commitment of the student. The amount of support they feel is also critical to moving things forward.

Learning to trust the process also takes time and patience. Because I am in frequent regular communication with my families, we gain and build trust early on making some of that time easier. As we talk about and address each of your concerns, some of your skepticism will lift.

The biggest part of trusting the process is learning to let go. Placing your child in a therapeutic boarding program (or even one that is close to home) can feel contrary to our instincts. As parents, we want to keep our loved ones close when the opposite is what’s indicated.

I understand your hesitation. Through open, regular, and honest communication I will provide guidance, recommend readings that are relevant to your situation, and when appropriate, encourage your participation in my Parents’ Group. Airing your thoughts in a supportive setting, listening, telling your own stories, and knowing that your concerns are being heard—and in many cases shared—can also bring more acceptance and trust to the process.

Trusting the process may not make it happen faster, but it will allay some of your anxieties and improve your experience and possibly your child’s experience, too. Together we will start to recognize and celebrate small incremental victories thus underscoring the feeling that you are doing the right thing.

According to Psychology Today, “Splitting occurs in two forms:  First, in an effort to enlist the child, a parent may present himself or herself as the good parent and the other as the bad parent. Second, a child may learn to play parents against each other or split them for secondary gains.” In the second example, the behavior is part of a child’s attempt to gain some control over their life. This is natural and can be a healthy part of individuation and growing up…until it becomes manipulative and destructive.   

Your child has been watching you their entire life and knows how to push your buttons. They know which parent is a softie, which is the disciplinarian, and will use that knowledge to get their way. Because your child is a pro at manipulating you, it is of utmost importance that you and your co-parent be unified. The power of that unity can pave the way for an easier relationship with your child and can start to engender trust.

Here are some important aspects of getting together behind your child’s long-term well-being:

Communicate – Good communication is essential. If your child is trying to split you, make sure they know that you know. Communicate that knowledge in a unified way such as: “We really don’t like it that you asked both of us separately without telling us.”

Be Respectful – Stand up for one another. The greatest thing you can do to curb splitting is to show that you respect and even admire the other parent. This is certainly harder to do if you are no longer together but let your child’s well-being take precedent.

Don’t be Afraid to Differ – Even happy couples differ. It’s natural to differ. But when you do, make sure to air your differences outside of the presence of your child.

Choose a Plan and Stick With it – You both have to decide what the plan is and follow it through. Do your homework, have some ready data to back up your plan. This is where I can help.

Plan in Advance How to Appear United – You will reduce your vulnerability by presenting a unified front. Being respectful (above) will strengthen your position.

Be Willing to Compromise (to a point) – Compromise is a critical component of any healthy relationship. It shows your willingness to see the other person’s perspective in order to find middle ground. Compromise, no matter how small, will make your child feel recognized, heard, and appreciated. That feeling cannot be underestimated.

The right time to enroll your child in a therapeutic program or boarding school is different for each child, but when you’ve exhausted all of your local resources and tried everything and realize that nothing seems to be working, it’s time to make a change.

Individuation is part of human development. It is the process by which a young person starts to become who they are meant to be as an adult. But when that process becomes mired in negative, harmful, or destructive behaviors, it’s time to change your approach. When you’ve tried outpatient therapists and psychiatrists, when school is not working, when medications don’t seem to be working, when your family dynamics aren’t working, when there is chaos in the home, it’s time to make a change. When a child’s immediate safety is threatened by their behavior, it’s time to make a change.

But “sending them away” might feel like you have failed as a parent. It goes against your natural instincts to keep your loved ones close. When you add up all of those sleepless nights of worry and feelings of helplessness about your child; all those feelings of stress and overwhelm, you start to realize that you need help.

Enrolling your child in a program can be the bravest act of love you can commit. By removing your child from an environment and circumstances that might exacerbate their unhappiness, you are giving them the opportunity to gain a new perspective and a greater chance for healing.

According to Psychology Today, boarding school [or a therapeutic program] can replace negative influences with positive ones. “I’m always awed by the positive impact role models can make in a troubled kid’s life…Teenagers crave adults that they can look up to. Counselors and older peers at [therapeutic] boarding school often fill this need and offer kids a chance to make better choices.”

If you are wondering about the right time to send your child to a program, give me a call. We’ll figure it out together.